you're spreading poison like wildfire

i am in a place i really don't want to be right now. a place i remember all too well, where i had my eyes cast down towards the ground as i walked; my shoulders tense, my mouth limp. a place where they shouted awful things and my name was somehow mixed in and it didn't make sense.
why did they hate me so much? i had done nothing to them. i had done nothing to her except be a friend to her lover and they all turned their backs to me as if i were an alien. friends dropped my hand and called me things i had never heard directed at me before.

i so badly wanted to run. what good would it have done if i shouted things back at them? anything i said was pulled from my mouth and rearranged and things only got worse.

and here i am again.
i am here again because i fell in love and she could not control how i felt or what i did. i am here again because her mouth is wide open, telling everyone that i am a monster for what i did to her. as if i owed her my entire being. i am not a slave. i belong to no one. i make one mistake and i am condemned for it? i am punished? i am not the only one who lied.

rage is shaking in the bones of my fingers and i am trying to be calm. i am trying not to say awful things about the girl that is saying awful things. i am trying not to say things because i still care for her and she is spreading my name around but making it a poison, making my name become a bad taste in their mouths. i can imagine their noses wrinkling at the thought of me. she is spilling my secrets over tables and hers are still locked in my lungs.

i really do not deserve this, but i am at least thankful i won't be trapped in a school hallway this time where i have to face them every single day and the weekend is the only escape.