revived caffeine addiction in full swing.

simply put, i feel like shit pre-caffeine. afterwards it feels like i just drank an entire bottle of felix felicis and life suddenly becomes okay.

long, rambly explanation: the sadness i've been feeling lately has caused me to lose a lot of sleep these past few weeks. i wake from nightmares to the sound of my own heavy breathing. sometimes the dreams are too painful for me to stay sleeping and i wake from the searing pain in my chest that doesn't go away until i fully realize i'm awake. the few times i have had dreamless sleeps, i would wake randomly for no reason and blink at the wall until i got tired enough to fall asleep again.

clearly this has made work difficult. i have been irritable, too tired and unmotivated to do anything. that of course is because of the random sadness, but lack of sleep contributes greatly. to make up for it and make sure my performance doesn't suffer, i have been consuming too much caffeine
and this is what it feels like:

wow, my eyes are suddenly wide open again! my fingers are flying and all is rainbows and unicorns. everyone give me work to do so i don't waste this surge of awesome! i should re-arrange the boardroom for the hell of it and make it pretty. i'm going to answer this phone and i'm going to love it. look at all these ideas i came up with for the next meeting. indeed, quite awesome. i am the lovechild of the hulk and flash. i can carry these heavy boxes and run up the stairs and i won't feel a thing. it feels like my body has been inhibited by pure awesome.

a few hours pass and then it's this:

oh god i shouldn't of had that coffee i can feel the headache behind my eyes coming back. oh no! my eyelids are starting to get heavy. i'm sure i'm lactose intolerant noooooooo my stomach is going to hurt so bad. i'm already sounding like a robot on the phone. when will this day end? maybe walking around the office for a bit will help. nope! i won't make it if this continues. why is this suddenly a million pounds heavier? derp. derp. derp. derp.

repeat.



.......sorry, body.