i went and bought a book with the last of my money this month, it is black with a gold pattern in the centre of it. i bought it for how simple it looked, the thickness, the paper. i wanted something that would last.
i wrote my first entry today, writing a whole bunch of random love-laced words to our baby and explaining parts of who i am to him or her. i know he/she will probably know all these things by the time he/she is older, but i want him/her (i keep accidently writing 'her' or 'she' and having to fix it, i won't know the gender for another eight months! such a strange thing to assume the gender at this point already) to know that i have loved him/her from day one. there was never a single doubt in my heart or in my mind, i was never afraid.
i will give it to him/her when 18 years have passed. the age that i have conceived. i wonder about how different life will be in 18 years. what society will be like, the way people decide to dress, whether or not organic food will be more available and cheaper than conventional food. i wonder about our child, his/her personality and what he/she will be doing right now with his/her life. it's getting a bit tiring to write the genders down like this.
november 29th - i started my letter journal. i am officially 6 weeks pregnant. symptoms: sore boobs, fatigue, nausea at times, hunger, sensitive smell.
this is all real and so beautiful.
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