monster

there is a creature that has poisoned me again. his lust-filled words have cut through the air and stabbed at my body, my weak arms attempting to form a shield yet it's as if they are not there. cold touch upon my shoulders makes me shudder and move away, trying to escape but the demon follows, uncaring of my disgust. his words are made to make me feel like i am an empty carcass, used but for one purpose. necrophiliac. my words are harsh and attempt to cut, but are brushed off immediately as if they are nothing. i protest, i demand for him to stop but his focus on his own selfish desire is too strong for me to sway. cold lips force their way onto mine and i shove as hard as i can and run, the wind and the chatter of ignored public whipping past me. i had foolishly thought their presence would be enough to protect me and i glare at the faces i run past, stung by their unknowing betrayal. i hear loud footsteps behind me, he's screaming at me to 'stop' that he's 'sorry' that 'i won't be able to outrun him' but i do anyway and a bus is my savior from his grasp. i am told that the events that took place made his day and i escape, the bus ride home a sickening temperature but i am sure it is my rage swirling within me that is tormenting my body. i am filled to the brim with shame that doesn't belong there, i blame myself for trusting that i would be safe, that i would be respected. when has this demon ever respected me? memories cloud my mind: forced to bite my tongue in order to quell his all-consuming rage, repeat my shrieks of pain that are ignored as his selfish body takes what it wants, accused of crimes i did not commit because somehow i am not trust-worthy, my loyalty was undeserved. i had secretly gotten my revenge, but it was still not enough. i remember my body thrown against walls and floors, the pain throbbing inside my chest and crippling my body. my bones folding up as i sobbed into my palms, the searing pain that traveled up my arm, the sound of a horrible cracking with each movement. battered and bruised, my soul was lost and the fire had burned out. my words have never meant a thing and i am ashamed. so ashamed.

recently, i have been saved at last. my soul finding peace and washing away the poison that once coursed through my veins everyday.. but i will never forget my shame. i do not want to forget, it is a reminder that i must be strong always even when the chances of victory are low. even when my body is too small and unable to protect me. i can survive even the most violent storms that the world may throw at me, the wounds scarred over and thickening my skin. my past pain is protecting me.